How can Steph Curry be the petty king when that’s already Kevin Durant’s lane?

Steph Curry

Steph Curry
Photo: Getty Images

Steph Curry’s new moniker, The Petty King, feels contrived. He’s on this post-Finals MVP mission to call out everyone who’s ever slighted him. Cool, man, your legacy is as pristine as they come. Why didn’t this persona come out before his long-sought Finals MVP, when you were still vulnerable?

The latest person to feel Steph’s wrath is Mike James. He spent four years in the league, including a year in Golden State, and made headlines this week leaving Curry off his top five list. He had the audacity to call Curry one-dimensional.

Well The Petty King caught wind of it, and responded at a basketball camp.

I know it’s cute or whatever, but unless Kevin Durant learned this behavior from Steph, there’s already one King of Petty, and he’s got the burner accounts to prove it. Durant not only responds to the slightest of slights, he comes for children with both barrels loaded.

There’s a certain level of bullshit that KD hasn’t put up with since he leaned into social assassin life, and his tolerance feels like it’s getting shorter. Any day now he’s going to start harassing people for using OMG and LOL in verbal conversations.

Honestly, if we really want to talk Petty King, Larry David is the grand emperor for eternity. A burner account to anonymously tell trolls who comment on your tweets to go fuck themselves sounds like a great premise for an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Being petty isn’t a trait you develop. It’s ingrained in your DNA. No tweet, aggregated quote, sideways glance, or perceived insult goes unquestioned.

If Curry wants to call himself petty royalty, or the crown prince of petty, or partly petty with a strong chance of petty, that’s fine. But petty king? I’m going to have to see a lot more than a reference to a G leaguer after he left you off his top five list.

Curry should’ve opened the news conference with, “I’ve been at camp two weeks, and I already feel like I’ve been teammates with these kids longer than Mike James.” Or, “Mike was a one dimensional player, too, but his one dimension was sucking ass at basketball.”

If there was a master class in pretty, I’m not even sure Curry is a top seven pick to teach it.

A Lionel Messi bicycle kick you say?

Paris Saint-Germain began their Ligue 1 title defense Saturday as if they’re running unopposed. During a 5-0 drubbing of Clermont Foot, Lionel Messi tried to eschew his boredom by upping the level of difficulty.

What does this mean for the title race? When I get infected with Clermont Foot, how do I get rid of it? I have no idea. I just thought it would be fun to watch Messi orchestrate his own bicycle kick. 

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